Depressed! Deku
by Daniela Ballova
Summary: bakudeku
1. Anouncement

so I first of all, sorry this is not an update.

I decited to re-write the story because it's not what it was supposed to be and I know I can do better than this plus I want it to be easier for you to read. also I personaly ship more tododeku and kiribaku but I wrote this fic because I had an interesting idea. So if you want a tododeku or a kiribaku fanfiction let me know. I have another idea for a tododeku fanfic with Midoriya having an anxiety disorder ( Idk why I'm giving him a mental disorder it just helps me explore writing something as hard to write as that and it kinda suits???) well nvm I will do it. (also I wrote bakugo's personality etc. baaaad)

thank you all for your support and kind words. all the old chapters will remain and I will delete them with this anouncement after the re-writen version of this story will be posted.

Thank you again and byeeee


	2. new 1st chapter

**So how you can see I deleted all the chapter's and I'm re-writing the story. hope you'll still like it. the second chapter I will post soon I hope.**

I haven't been "myself" in a long while, I had nightmares that I forgot 10 minutes after I woke up, I was especialy sad, depressed, I cut myself sometimes because I don't feel good enough, and the worst of all are the voices. this whole thing it wasn't because of Kacchan..kinda I know that much.I couldn't smile any more. I wasn't paying attention in class again, I was just siting there looking nowhere and drowning in my thougths. Today I was lucky that my teacher didn't pick me to answer any questions or to do anything like that.But after the class he did ask me if I was all right, I just nodded and then walked away.

„Oi Deku!" Kacchan yelled at me. I ignored him. I wasn't in the mood to deal with him right now. „Are you even listening to me, damn nerd?!" he grabed me. I didn't know what to do, I paniced and in a rush said „J-just leave me a-alone Bakugou!" than I pulled away and ran home. Bakugou...I called him Bakugou. That was the first time I ever called him that but it's not like it meaters. He probably-no he hates me anyway. I can tell that much..

 _doesn't everyone?_

„Izuku sweetie- *slam*"

I rushed into my room without leting mom finish what she wanted to say, I locked the door and layed down on my bed. „Izuku are you all right?" mom asked with a very worried voice. „...yeah..I'm fine, I just..need some time alone.."I said quietly. „Ok, I'll let you know when the dinner's ready." I could hear her walk away. I was like this past few weeks no a few months maybe years, I ignored everybody that tryed to "help". Something is wrong, something is seriously wrong with me. Suprised mom didn't take me to therapy yet. There are upcoming grades well not really upcoming, I have like 3 months.

I feel like I should give up on UA besides I can't be a hero when I can't even take care of myself besides I'm quirkless, useless, worthless and can't even get up from bed in the morning, I'm always running late. Losers like me are better off dead.

 _good keep that up and you might actually do something useful fo once._

I cryed for a little bit then I cut again. It's geting worse my legs and wrists are full of cuts, I'm impressed that nobody knows I cut and I'm glad 'cuz I don't want them to know.

 _yes, yes they would worry. You don't want that do you?_

no

I'm not enough, I'm never gonna be now I know why everyone hates me, why **he** hates me. My poor mother doesn't deserve a piece of crap son like **me.**

 _believe me, no one would_

no no

I went to sleep without eating dinner I told mom I wasn't hungry even though I was starving and had hard time falling asleep. The next day I woke up, almost didn't get out of bed it was even worse than yesterday, I got dressed, prepeared for school and ate breakfest.

„Bye mom." I said and went to school. I was late like every morning. My classmates recognized I was looking even worse than yesterday.Bakugou stared at me for few minutes and then looked out the window. Day passed quickly. I was going out of the school but then..

„Oi you're gonna fucking listen to me Deku!!" Bakugou grabed my wrist because I was trying to ignore him again. Oh No no no no he saw the cuts!

 _damn **Deku** you can't even keep something a secret, can you?_

 _now they will know. your a **failier!**_

no no no

„huh...Deku.?"

I was kinda angry that he didn't leave me alone after all he was the person that wanted to get rid of me so why isn't he happy that I'm not bothering him any more, that look on his face he looks worried.

 _nah, that's just the" oh no. he's cutting, now they will blame it on me. what should I do?" face_

 _no you're wrong!_

„You...cut?" he looked woried...

„Yeah..." that was all I could get out of my mouth..

„HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND!?! HOLD ON IS IT MY FAULT!?" he screamed in front of the school but everyone ignored it and minded their own bussines. he looked even more worried. is he...is he really that worried about a person like me? A person that wants to die so badly but can't because it would break his mother and people who he loves so deaply?

 _you don't love them_

 _I do!_

„ANSWER!! IS IT ME WHO'S FAULT IS THIS?!?!?" a tear droped down his face.

„B-Bakugou..No it isn't your fault. You were right...I can't be a hero..I can't take care of myself, I don't have a quirk and I'm not enought of a person...I'm broken..I'm too messed up to do anything right..everyone would be better off without me. I don't wanna be here anymore even if it's selfish..so please..let me give up..it hurts too much." his eyes opened up wide filed with more tears.

 _thaaat's right!_

„let you give up..? LET YOU GIVE UP?! You're not the Deku I know! The Deku I know would never give up! And you're not messed up! Open your frickin' eyes! You have people that care about you people that love you! You can be a hero!" he yelled at my face.

„I-I don't deserve you or your support, I don't deserve love of that people.I gave them everything I have but that's not clearly enougth. Let me just leave, let me just die"

 _good boy_

 _stop it just stop. I wanna get rid of you!_

„There is no way in hell I'll let you do that! I can't believe what I'm about to say but. From now on I'm your friend! Just don't think too much of it! I just don't want you dead with the blame being placed on me!!okay, how do I respo- _„to be honest I don't really hate you, your just kinda anoying maybe you aren't so bad at all. I could give it a try..._ " he whispered under his breath

„umm..Sure? thanks...but is this really you who's talking to me? I mean the Bakugou I know would never be so nice to me."

„AND WHO DO YOU THINK I AM THEN!? I AM JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU 'CUZ THIS IS CLEARLY MY FUCKING FAULT SO LET ME YOU GODDAMN NERD!!"

„Hm.this sounds more like you."

„haha, really funny Deku. soo...do you want to go to the new café with me? ya know talking about this in front of school is kinda weird. Also don't worry I'm paying."

„yeah sure I would love to!" I smiled, I didn't smile in a while...it is nice tho..maybe I can be friends with Bakugou after all?

 _I don't think so...who would wanna be **your** friend?_

 _shut up shut up shut up shut up!_

„Hmm?" He blushed again. I wonder why? We were walking to the café and he was staring at me.

 _I-_

 _I'm not gonna listen to you anymore!_

„um..Whats wrong Bakugou? you keep staring at me...again."

„oh..I do? sorry, I guess and stop calling me bakugou it's weird.This whole thing is weird"

 _see he's weirded out by you. Just watch how you'll fuck this up._

„okay and y-yes it is but I-I mean we can still be friends!"

 _and you actually believe that?! pffft- don't make me laught!!_

„You still wanna be friends with me? heh You are my nerdy Deku after all- Uh." wait what? "my nerdy Deku" and why is he blushing so hard wait am I blushing too?! this is so embarassing.

„UM-UH I-I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY THAT! D-DON'T GET THE W-WRONG IDEA, I MEANT OUR!! OH GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!"

well..that just happened..this is officialy the most fucked up day of my life.

 _of course it is!_

„D-D-Don't w-worry about it, I-I get it!" so we walked feeling really awkward, I felt really awkward and from Kacchans expresion I could say he was feeling really awkward too.

We sat down I ordered a chocolate milkshake and Kacchan did too.

„So De-Izuku tell me, why? And am I right when I say that nobody exept me now knows that you cut?"

„yes you're correct, nobody knows, I didn't talked to anybody because I didn't want them to worry and if I told them they might want to help me.As for the reason why.. cuting isn't something that makes me forget the psychical pain like some people say it's not that not at all...I just..kinda like to see myself bleed..I kinda like to see myself in pain knowing I have control over the pain and I know I'm useless, I can't do anything, you were right from the start and to be honest your "teasing" played a role in it too but I forgive you! we can be friends if you want to!"

 _again with that bullshit? I thought you were better than this...you're so pathetic!_

I'm silently ignoring all the voices in my head, each one having different opinion. It's like hell. They didn't stop arguing since he grab my hand. One of them, the most toxic of them is always the loudest one, strongest one, the one I hear the most.the one I wanna get rid off.

„D-Izuku Yes I want to and I promise you I'll be a better friend. I will never ever fucking hurt you again!" I can't believe he said that _okay Izuku play cool._

 _lies lies lies lies lies lies! he's telling you lies!_

„I'm really happy to hear that! um from when you're calling me Izuku?" _nailed it_

 _you think so?_

„From now on, 'cause I called you Deku, it was suposed to mean useless and friends are not calling each other that plus I'm gonna try to help you not try to get you down even more and you gotta promise me you'll at least try to get better."

 _come on! "Deku" suits you and you know it, **Deku.**_

„Thanks Kacchan and I promise!"

 _ha, I wanna see how long you can keep it!_

 **aaand that's the end of this chapter. thanks for reading it!**


	3. the promise

-the next day-

I made an agreement with Kacchan that we would go to school together and that no matter how late I am he would wait. I tried to wake up earlier than I usually do but I ended up being late anyway, well it is a little earlier than usual but still. I open the door, say goodbye to mom and Kacchan is standing outside waiting.

„g' mornin'" he says and starts walking.

„morning!" I say and I follow him. Suddenly he stops and turns to me as he quietly says: „Show me your wrists.. "

„w-what?"

„you heard me " so I pull up my sleeves and show him my wrists. I think he wants to check for any new cuts but there aren't any that are new, I tried really hard even when the voices were almost unbearable. I tried really hard not to but the only new ones are on my thies, it's not that bad. It's maybe just 2 or 3, nothing that bad.

 _Well, you failed him. I knew you couldn't keep the promise._

 _But he tried and that's good, at least give him the props for that!_

They are arguing again.

But it's nothing worse that yesterday.

„Okay, seems like you don't have new cuts. " he's looking into my eyes but he quickly looks away.

„well I promised you, didn't I?"

„yeah you did and you better keep it." was it a threat or not. Probably not, it didn't sound like one. Well I do wanna keep it anyway.

„ don't worry about it I will. "

We start walking again, the school's not far away. We'll be there just in a few minutes. I know because I start seeing some familiar things like the bushes next to a small yellow house that is opposite to one of my teacher's house. It's so quiet this morning it's weird and I hear nothing not a single voice, just my breath, Kacchan's steps as he walks and things like cars but still it's quiet and I guess it is nice **.**

We get to the school. We're late but the teacher still isn't in class. He's not late very often so I guess I was lucky. This whole thing with Kacchan is weird not only that but the voices are weird too and I can't stop thinking about it. The voices they are not even like voices they are more like thoughts at the back of my head because It's not even like hear them but I heard them not in a way like someone is talking to you or like someone is speaking inside your head, they sound like me, they mumble like me, the cry like me, they speak like me... Well most them do. They feel like thoughts yet I can't control them. I can't even explain it in the right way and who am I even explaining it to? It's not like anyone can hear my thoughts, it's not like anyone could find out my secrets, not most of them. Heh, looks like if I don't hear them I over think, no I'm always over thinking, I'm always worried about things that are stupid and don't give a damn about things that are important. But I guess it may be in my nature.

„Good morning, class." the teacher says as he walks into the room.

 **Good morning Mr. Teacher"** we answer. And it seems it's going to be a normal day like any other.


	4. long walk home

The bell rings and our teacher dismisses the class. Kacchan slipped me a note saying that he'll wait for me outside. It was a fine day. Nothing bad happened and I haven't heard any voices for the most part. I got my stuff and I start moving towards the door. Kacchan must be outside already, he's usually very quick to head out. On the way to the exit one of my teachers stops me.

„Midoriya! " she said putting her hand on my shoulder. She was one of the newer teachers, quite young too.

„Yes? Is there a problem?" I asked giving her a confused look.

„No, I just wanted to ask. You and Bakugo have been closer than ever these past few weeks and I can't help but wonder, why?" she was smiling warmly at me. I guess she really is curious.

„Well, we put our differences aside and started anew. I looked her in the eyes while saying that for it to look as honest as it could be, it was honest, but I have a tendency to look as if I'm lying. I look too nervous when I'm trying to say something that's technically true cause I still feel like I'm lying. Even though we did put everything aside and started again, there were more things than just that.

„Oh! That's wonderful to hear. I thought you really looked happier ever since I noticed he wasn't mean to you anymore. I'm glad Bakugo changed his ways." she was as cheerful as ever. I liked her as a teacher, she was always full of motivation and always seemed happy. I wanted to accomplish that too.

„I'm glad too." I replied with a smile and with that we parted ways. I said goodbye and started going. Kacchan was outside waiting, he is surely very patient when his temper isn't showing.

„Kacchan, I'm here." he turned to face me. His eyes were fixed on me, it was surprising since he doesn't do that too often. With an almost sarcastic smirk he says: „What took you so long? Never mind, cmon let's go."

I smile at him and we exit the gate. For a moment we were walking next to each other in silence, Kacchan didn't seem to mind and I was too shy to break the moment; until Kacchan looks at me again.

„Hey," he starts, I look into his eyes and he keeps looking deeply into mine, „there was something I wanted to ask." he doesn't break the eye contact and neither do I.

„What is it? " a warm feeling starts washing over my body, it was a sensation I've never felt before and my heart feels like it might stop from the tension between us.

„Would you maybe wanna hang out? There's this new superhero movie coming out and I was wondering if you'd want to go with me to the premiere. Maybe we could go somewhere afterwards too? "

For some reason my heart skipped a beat, I can feel my cheeks getting hot. Kacchan is a bit flushed too. I never realized how pretty the color of his eyes actually was. They are a bright shade of red, scarlet is the name for that kind of red I believe.The way they shine is indescribable, I have no idea how they can be this magnificent.

„Sure, I'd love to go! " I give him my best smile. He smiles back, then he gently slips his hand into mine, which took me by surprise. His hand is really soft despite his quirk being so violent. It feels nice and my heart starts beating like crazy. I don't say a thing, there's nothing to say. We then continue walking home in silence, No one dared to break the silence because the moment was too good to be ruined and both of us knew it. I'm sure we both feel this warm, fuzzy feeling; at least I hope. It was a long walk home.

* * *

 **Author's note: I know I haven't uploaded in a long time but I just didn't have the inspiration to do it. Anyways I feel like my writing got better during the time I was gone since I was doing a lot of stuff. Hopefully I will have the motivation to finish this. I was really glad to see the positive response this fic got even though I started it as the first story I've ever written and it's not the best. I hope y'all can wait for the next chapter!**


	5. the movie date

Kacchan picked me up at 4 pm. It was warm outside, so I chose to wear a white sweat shirt and red shorts. I told mom about going to the cinema 2 days ago and she seemed happy about the fact that I'm going out with a friend. The cinema wasn't that far away, we decided to walk there. Kacchan held my hand the whole time. It was nice, I like it when he does that.

When we arrived, Kacchan insisted on buying the tickets and popcorn. As much as I tried to convince him to let me pay for my own ticket and popcorn, he just wouldn't let me so after a while I gave up.

The poster for the movie we were going to see looked really cool. There was the main character and his 'symbiote'. I learned it was a kind of antihero movie but I didn't mind at all. The studio that made it was called Marwel and they always made awesome movies. This one was called 'Poison'. After a bit of waiting the door finally opened and we sat down in the middle row, in my opinion the view from the middle and the last row is the best.

The main character's name was Edie and his quirk was a symbiote that he called 'Poison'. He got the quirk late because it was triggered by a thing that got inside of his body, everyone thought he was quirkless for the most of his life. It was an epic movie, I honestly hope they make a second one. I started rambling about how great of a team they made and how awesome that quirk was even though there were a lot of cons. Kacchan seemed as if he didn't mind me talking but when we walked out of the cinema he grabbed my hand and said:

„How about we go to that Cafe? " he pointed at a newly opened cat Cafe called 'Neko Café'.

„Sure!" I said. So we went there and sat down at a table next to one of the bigger windows. A cat came onto me immediately, so I pet it. It's fur was very fluffy and soft.

It had a name tag.

„Hi, sir Pawlett" I said, as I gently stroke him. He was coffee coloured and had a cute little white spot on his side. I don't know what breed he was but I'd definitely get one of these if I had the option. A black cat approached Kacchan, it wasn't as fluffy as sir Pawlett but it's fur was beautiful nonetheless. It jumped on Kacchan's lap. He pet it.

„What's the name of this one? " I asked. Kacchan took a look at the cat's name tag then looked up at me and said: „Her name's Cathy"

„Aww how cute" I said, the name must've been a pun.

„Yeah" said Kacchan, „Really cute"

The waiter came about five minutes after we got to know the cats. He was a very enthusiastically looking guy, his hair was tied into a ponytail.

„Chilling with Cathy and sir Pawlett I see. Can I take your orders now? " He asked with a grinning smile.

„Y-Yes, of course! I'd like the 'coconyat latte' please" I said, I was visibily nervous.

„And I'll have a 'meowcha' " Kacchan said.

„Alright, anything else?" the waiter asked.

„Oh, could I get a Triple chocolate purrfection? " I asked. The waiter wrote it in his notes and said: „Coming right up"

Kacchan said: „I'd like a 'Oreo cat surprise"

„Okay, I'll bring it to you right away" the waiter then walked away and we were left alone. Jus me Kacchan and the cats. It was lovely.

-

About 10 minutes later the waiter returned with our coffee and the cakes. Kacchan' s cake was covered in Oreo and shaped like a cat while mine was a chocolate cupcake with paws on it. It was adorable. I took some photos to show to mom. She'd definitely love it here. I should bring her sometime.

After sir Powlett went away and Cathy wondered around the waiter there were many cats that went to briefly greet us. The only names of the cats I remember that were with us shortly are Mia, Shiro, Elvis, Yuri and Zara.

After we finished we split the bill, this time I convinced Kacchan to let me pay. It was about 7pm when we left. Kacchan walked me home, we were chatting the whole time then we parted ways at my place. I hope I'll be able to do something like this with Kacchan again.

„How was the movie? " mom asked when I got home.

„It was awesome, we even went to a cat café afterwards" I answered, then I took out my phone and showed mom the photos.

„Oh, how adorable! We should go there sometimes, Izuku " mom said.

„I was thinking about that too. I could introduce you to sir Pawlett and Cathy" mom smiled at me as I said that.

„I'd love to meet them" she said. I didn't eat dinner because I was full. I went to take a shower and then I changed to my pajamas even though it was still early. I sat down on the couch and watched TV with mom until she went to sleep. I then turned on the PC and looked at some All Migh videos. I got tired around 10 pm and I went to sleep.


End file.
